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By Emelisa Mudle I remember once reading about being egoic in relationships and it certainly has made a great deal of difference in my life. I sat sobbing realising how I have continued a pattern of defence and protection through communicating on some level with my partners. In this I started to question: ~ How I am ~ How I react ~ How I choose to be In this reality check I started to become more conscious of my defences and interactions. I noticed how I would butt in mid conversation because I felt as though I was being misconstrued. I was so ready to pounce on some level I never gave the other person a chance to say all they needed to say. Now I am able to feel the energy of defence I sit in the feeling knowing when to step back and listen doing it this way feels so much more vulnerable and gentle. Even through my most hormonal challenging time I am able to sit balanced without deeply feeding into where it takes me. I believe we choose how we react so there fore my intent is love it feels softer, vulnerable making conversation simple loving and supportive. Healthy loving relationships take time, patience compassion and a large dose of commitment. It is important to sit and listen when another soul mirrors something about me that is hard for them but feeling strong and vulnerable enough to see if it is something I need to change or something that they need me to change in so they feel safe. Having a healthy conversation when things are confronting and being respectful of my heart knowing I have choices in my actions. Stepping back and not always having to say things straight away which than allows me time to feel and gain a better understanding of what I am really feeling. Knowing in me that the hurt child I carried for so long no longer rules my life and that I am able to reach out and create my own safety be less needy, be a better listener even when being accused of something being stronger in her heart boundaries and self worth. No longer feeding into the flight or fight games. I also dont believe you have to hurt the ones you love that in itself is a choice to I am not saying we wont hurt there is a difference between being honest and lashing towards another soul. Relationships will bring up your mum and dad issues how they reacted to you and how they communicated between themselves. As we grow we build up our own ideas rules and defences and become so rigid and lost in them that when something comes up in a partnerships we tend to think and blame the person in front of us when it is actually stemming back most times from our own childhood. This is a working progress I still feel hurt and get a little panicky at times hitting those powerless places when abandonment and low self worth run rampant. Its an amazing place to say I feel scared or I feel hurt I used to believe that being vulnerable was weak and tears where for cry babies. How mislead was I. Changing a perspective on healthy relating is the best gift we can give others and ourselves. I remember many years ago writing a list of what I wanted in my perfect partnership then being asked to turn the list around seeing if those are the qualities I have as well. At that moment I realised I had a lot of work to do. Being in a healthy relationship is such a beautiful joyful experience to actually love some one enough that your intent is always from an unconditional place. One other lesson I had learned is to not settle in a relationship, hanging on with hope that the person you are with is going to change that maybe by some great miracle theyll come around to the way we see things. It is important to be on the same page in areas of communicating, spirituality, libido, children and other areas, which you greatly value. If your partner values work way more than a relationship and you dont there will be a problem in priorities as you are both seeking energy in different places that can then cause separation and distance. We all deserve a beautiful loving relationship lets not rush into every attraction sometimes in our neediness for love we can confuse attraction with connection. Healing with Art Emelisa is an Australian artist and International creative workshop fascilitator her website offers information on creative healing as well as a variety of art galleries. Emelisa believes creativity and love walk hand in hand, her passion is to assist others to open up in a safe enviroment and to be able to get in touch with there feelings and thoughts and dreams. http://home.iprimus.com.au/emelisa Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emelisa_Mudle http://EzineArticles.com/?Maturity-in-Relationships&id=212419 fast cash ma online no fax payday loan paycheck loans millitary payday loan